Category Archives: life

Gratitute List

2015 Jan – 2016 June

  1. Affordable Air tix for SIN-SYD for 4pax (Flying SQ woohoo…)
  2. Able to get one month leaves for Dev’s Wedding in Dec 2015
  3. Have enough, more than enough to spend to during one month in Sydney
  4. Able to meet my high school buddy in Melbourne for a few days, good catch up after 9years
  5. Met Wongfu Productions in Sydney
  6. Pay raise
  7. Completed Cisco course although has not yet taken the certification
  8. Enrolled in a Japanese course, taught by a dedicated せんせい & nice classmates
  9. Was offered a job internally before it was posted on internal job board
  10. Got the job with a relatively good package
  11. New colleagues are nice, helpful and knowledgeable
  12. New Manager is manageable so far
  13. The capacity to help Melan’s sponsorship to study in Sydney
  14. BBTC & Agape
  15. Given a house near MRT, amenities, at affordable rate, with reasonable housemates, easy going and manageable roommate
  16. Direct Bus from Sengkang Interchange to Office
  17. Sengkang Park within 15mins walk, conveniently available for walk/jog after work
  18. Reasonable bus journey from house-BBTC (SBS 109 + 168 takes about 45mins – 1hr)
  19. Got a Macbook Pro at a discounted price (thank you Brendan)
  20. Dad and siblings in good health

三十岁的我对于迷茫,失落,自卑等有过无数次地深感。每当这种感觉来领的时候,自己仿佛丢失了什么。又或许是我一直在寻找自己从来没拥有过的东西。人活着到底为了什么?每天早上起床,上下班,吃饭,回家,休息,睡觉,在重复。有时候我会跟自己说,可能生活太routined了,是不是应该去找些什么乐趣之类,又或许应该去找个伴什么的, 一个能懂我,我也懂他这么的一个人。

每当看到朋友们在事业上有一定的成就,有自己的家庭生活和小孩时,心里也会想要自己的一个家和家人。但我始终都没办法鼓起足够勇气去想象这个事情的可能性。心里头有许多惧怕,怀疑和不肯定,不肯定自己是不是适合婚姻。

现在的我正在听着黄小琥的没那么简单。很多时候别人都问为什么到这把年纪还没结婚,一定是因为我太挑剔了。其实是真的没那么简单。不是说要立刻就会有。加上自己心里面的不一定就更加不容易了。

if I were born here

I was having a conversation with two Singaporean colleagues; quite obviously they are pro opposition. One was vocal and enthusiastic on the topic of government, while the other suggest him to stop so as not poison me with his ideology of an ideal government; to which I unhesitatingly replied “I won’t be influenced with your political view”. With that, they kind of read that I am pro government. I told them, you can say what you say because you haven’t see what the world outside (of Singapore) is like.

Later today I was having late dinner at People’s Park Complex, after meeting my dad. To my surprise, I found myself listening to a group of senior folks talking  (in Teochew) about the same topic of the Lee family, I always thought that it is the younger generation who are not so in tune with the governmet, but here are the senior generations who saw how Singapore has transformed from third to first world country, singing to the same tunes as the youngsters. They even argue about the prominent success Singapore has isn’t even Lee Kuan Yew’s idea; i.e. the CPF system was already in place during the British Colony’s era, perhaps life could have been better if British still rule Singapore til this day and about the water that they drink is the result of PUB engineers, it has nothing to do with the Lees.  I was reminded of the statement I made to my colleagues earlier today,  I wish I could tell them the same.

Having came from a thirld world country and travelled to different parts of the world, I still think Singapore is a nice place to be. If I were born here, I wonder if I would have an entirely different appreciation of what Singapore once was and now is, just like my colleagues and the senior folks. I hope I won’t.

another random dream

This morning I woke up with a dream of an empty wooden summer house on the water, the interior walls are dominated by bluish colour, with very little furniture or almost none. 
In the dream, there were two friends who came to visit me. When the first one she arrived, I received her with much gladness as I have been expecting her, it was a long planned meeting. On the contrary when the other one arrived, I find it incovenient for her to come without prior notice, because clearly I was having a guess with me (in the dream) 
The second friend was wearing whitey-creamy cheongsam with strong red & blue flowers motives and she evern wore make-up too (she normally doesn’t, in real life) I couldn’t remember what I told her exactly, but I wanted her to come back some other day, with heavy heart because I could sense that she came to look for me because she wanted to have a break from the baby, her new born.
I continued to talk with the first friend, she was telling me about her experiences in life and what she has learnt out of it all. One line which I could remember quite clearly (probably what woke me up) was “God gives youth to everyone, what we need to do with it, is to cherish it while you still can”
Towards the end of my dream, I realized that these two friends were my high school classmates, Yanita and Lifah.

#anotherrandomdream

长大后的我们..

我今天终于去看了 “我的少女时代” 这部电影。结果哭了眼睛都肿起来了。里面有太多熟悉的场景、东西、和经验;那些在学校所发生过的事情还有年轻时所经过的事。我想每个人在回顾那些事的时候,心里一定会有一种很温暖的感觉。脸上一定会挂着一个笑脸。无论是那些你干过的蠢事或那些让你感到骄傲的事,都会让你傻笑一阵子,心里甚至有想回到那个时代的念头。对于一个在普通不过 + introvert 的我更是不例外了。

“长大后的我们会是怎么样?” 这句话在戏里面出现过几次,仿佛是对着我而问的。女主角,林真心,当她问自己这个问题时就被带回到高中时代,在哪同时也想着18岁的她如果遇见现在的自己又会有怎样的想法?

我们是不是也会对自己问同样的问题呢?是否会应为曾经做过的一些事而后悔?又或者为了没做过的事反而责怪自己呢?